What a very, very expensive piece of cheese! If you think about this movie afterwards – and I suggest you don’t – the galaxy-sized plot holes and unanswered questions will make you giggle! However, you get to see every penny of the $175 million budget. It wasn’t spent on a particularly original script. Or, obviously, an acting coach. In fact, if Oscar voters see this before casting this year’s ballot, Eddie Redmayne’s acting will guarantee Michael Keaton the win.
Not that Jupiter Ascending doesn’t have it’s own trashy D-list charm. It’s visually stunning – an all-out attack on the optic nerves. Every so often, it actually recognizes what unapologetic garbage it is and adds a Fifth Element level of humor.
Unbeknownst to Earth, our entire history has been orchestrated, and humans have been farmed for centuries. Soylent Green might be people, but so is this elixir that keeps alien humans young and beautiful forever. Kunis is a Russian immigrant who – unbeknownst to her – is actually the reincarnation of the queen of the universe. If she reclaims her title, she can save the earth from being harvested. Tatum is a half-wolf bounty hunter who – unbeknownst to him – has been hired to find the queen. He has pointy ears and a German shepherd’s grimace.