As if forest fires and melting ice caps weren’t enough to keep you up at night, here’s a brand new nightmare: global warming is coming for your penis. According to leading epidemiologist and environmental scientist Dr Shanna Swan, penises around the world are shrinking, and pollution is to blame.
Humanity is facing an “existential crisis”, she explains in her cheery new book Count Down: How Our Modern World Is Threatening Sperm Counts, Altering Male and Female Reproductive Development, and Imperilling the Future of the Human Race. It all comes down to phathalates, a chemical used in manufacturing plastics that impacts the hormone-producing endocrine system.
Because of this pollution, Dr Swan says, fertility rates are rapidly falling – and a growing number of babies are being born with smaller penises. “Chemicals in our environment and unhealthy lifestyle practices in our modern world are disrupting our hormonal balance, causing various degrees of reproductive havoc,” she writes in the book.