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Review: How to Get a Girlfriend When You’re a Terrifying Monster – Marie Cardno

How to Get a Girlfriend When You’re a Terrifying Monster - Marie Cardno

Genre: Paranormal, Romance

LGBTQ+ Category: Lesbian

Reviewer: Lucy

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About The Book

Life is tough when you’re an eldritch abomination.

Trillin isn’t technically a person. She’s a tiny breakaway piece of consciousness from the all-devouring Endless, doomed to eventually rejoin it. But when a human witch stumbles into her world, Trillin suddenly has a new reason to figure out individuality–one shape-shifting tentacle at a time.

Sian is sure important magical discoveries are just around the corner, if she can just get her portals to work reliably. Reaching the dimension of the Endless without being eaten on sight is a dream come true, and Sian is determined to explore every bit of it. For science, of course, not for the strangely adorable life-form who keeps popping up and trying to… flirt?

But Trillin’s world can be a dangerous place, and keeping Sian safe might risk drawing the attention of the Endless itself–which will swallow Trillin up along with all her dreams of humanity. Together, can this unlikely duo escape the Endless, figure out the optimum number of appendages, and maybe even find love?

How to Get a Girlfriend (When You’re a Terrifying Monster) is a sapphic cozy fantasy romance between a witch scientist and a shape-shifting Cthulhu monster. HEA guaranteed!

The Review

I absolutely love the title of this book and was intrigued from the start. How to Get a Girlfriend When You’re a Terrifying Monster by Marie Cardno absolutely delivered a story worthy of the excellent title. 

Sian is a magic user who is researching the Endless, a dimension that is seemingly comprised of one giant entity. Occasionally, small anomalies will break off from the Endless, but they are inevitably reabsorbed into the mass of consciousness that comprises this dimension. Until Trillin. She began her life as just another blob in the Endless. Then, she realized she had independent thoughts and could control her blobbiness to form new shapes. When she sees Sian for the first time, Trillin realizes she has a heart, and it was beating fast and loud for the intrepid explorer who dared to roam the Endless in pursuit of new knowledge of the alternate dimension.

This was an extremely clever premise with a well-executed plot and fabulous characters. I adored Sian, who is irreverent and nervy and a little bit of a loose cannon amongst her serious colleagues. Trillin is weird and wonderful, working so hard to be something…or even someone…that would capture Sian’s attention. There are parts that are equally poignant and hilarious, as Trillin tries to tame her body into something solid and permanent. All the while, the Endless is quietly menacing, posing a threat not just to Trillin but to Sian’s home dimension. 

The story is very well written, with excellent pacing and great flow. It’s the type of book where you have no realization of how much time you’ve spent reading until you put it down. The characters are very well-developed, unique, and endearing. I really loved everything about this story, from first word to last. I’m just hoping there’s more because I want to know how Trillin is getting along in the world, and whether she’s learned to keep her limbs solid. 

How to Get a Girlfriend When You’re a Terrifying Monster was utterly enjoyable. I hadn’t read anything by Marie Cardno before this story, but I will definitely look for more to come from this author.

The Reviewer

I’m an avid reader who loves pretty much all genres except math textbooks. As a kid, my parents exposed me to everything from fairies, hobbits, and dragons to the biographies of interesting people around the world, interspersed with poetry, plays, and music. Into adulthood, I spent a lot of years with my nose buried in various textbooks. Now, I read whatever grabs my fancy.

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