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Review: All I Want for Christmas is Tentacles – Chloe Archer

All I Want for Christmas is Tentacles - Chloe Archer

Genre: Holiday, Sci-Fi, Humor

LGBTQ+ Category: Gay

Reviewer: Whiskey November

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About The Book

QSFer Chloe Archer has a new MM sci-fi holiday romance out: All I Want for Christmas is Tentacles.

Seasons greetings and alien abductions! Can two misfits find love together? It might just take a Christmas miracle! Let’s hope Santa doesn’t mind that tentacles can be both naughty and nice…

Khephren


There’s no way in Helgar’s Nebula I’m marrying the candidate my parents have chosen for me. I don’t want to be the house-husband of some stoic warrior who only cares about training all day. Boring! Thankfully, I’ve learned a thing or two from all those rom-com human movies I’ve illegally downloaded off the intergalactic web. No one will see it coming when I pull a runaway groom maneuver on them!

Once I make my escape, I can go on the solo honeymoon of my dreams—to planet Earth. It’s almost that wondrous time of year when they celebrate their holiday known as “Christmas.” Human Hallmark movies make it seem so magical. I want to experience it for myself! Now, I just need to find a human who can make my wish come true and help me have an authentic holly jolly time…

Sasha

Scrooge was right when he said “bah humbug” to Christmas. This time of year sucks balls, and not the fun kind. I’ve just lost my crappy part-time job and I’m slowly sinking under a sea of student loan debt and crushed dreams.

Just when I think my life couldn’t possibly get any worse, my cat and I are abducted by an alien who wants me to help him experience a “real human Christmas” on his ship. WTF? Clearly he’s chosen the worst possible candidate for the job.

But there’s something about Khephren’s enthusiasm and eternal optimism that starts to melt even my grumpy, cynical heart. Heck, I even agree to be his fake fiancé to get his parents off his back! I don’t know what’s happening to me, but Khephren’s charm is making me feel things I never have before. And those bright pink tentacles of his are strangely fascinating. I can’t help but wonder what all they can do…

As we spend more time together, I start to realize I might not want to go home and that maybe, just maybe, I’ve found what I’ve always been looking for. Could Khephren feel the same? If so, it would be a Christmas miracle and I don’t believe in those…right?

All I Want for Christmas is Tentacles is a standalone novel (74k words) in the Tinsel and Tentacles multi-author winter holiday MM tentacle romance series. It features a runaway tentacled-alien groom obsessed with Hallmark movies and Christmas, a grumpy human who’s down on his luck and says “bah, humbug” to the holidays, an alien abduction, fake fiancé fun, a cat named Jonesey, a droid named Rambo, a ship called the Sleigh Belle, found family, sweet and cozy vibes for the season, and a guaranteed HEA!

The Review

Tip of the hat to the cover designer for All I Want for Christmas is Tentacles, because the artwork truly conveys the spirit of this short novel. It is bonkers. (Note: the in-story tentacles don’t actually have suckers). The book is also sweet, gentle, and apt to provoke anything from giggles to snorts to cackles. It is funny.

If you have seen the movie Galaxy Quest (and if you haven’t, I’m not sure we can be friends), the central conceit will be familiar. In this case, the alien main character has learned most of what he knows about Earth from movies, and has a particular fondness for Hallmark Christmas movies.

After fleeing an unwelcome arranged marriage with the help of his two best friends (plus a robot programmed to speak only in movie quotes), this alien is determined to experience a Real Human Christmas, for which purpose he requires a Real Human. Cue abduction from Los Angeles of an unhappy film-school graduate, fortunately supplied with all essentials: phone, laptop, video camera, and beloved pet cat Jonesy.

Hijinks ensue, along with a gradual progression from wariness to acceptance to attraction to affection. While there is some graphic sex (with tentacles), it doesn’t occur until the MCs are clear about the mutuality of their attraction, as well as about liking each other. Is there any doubt they will find a way to be together?

The human MC has a distinct, modern voice and the Earth material is real-world. The alien MC has a voice reminiscent of the android protagonist of ‘Set My Heart to Five’ by Simon Stephenson. He is an optimist, the sunshine to the human’s grump, as well as being intelligent, resourceful, and generous. I like those things in a romantic hero.

There is little hazard and no mayhem in this piece of sparkly Christmas fluff, only a really delightful found family and a satisfying happy ending. Recommended.

The Reviewer

Whiskey November is an urban professional with close family & friendship ties to the LGBTQ+ community. She supports the work of GLAAD, Broadway Cares, and the Los Angeles LGBT Center, among others. She reads in excess of 250 books a year (romance, mystery, science fiction, history, and memoir) and is a self-published writer of contemporary and historical romance.

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